Troy Urquhart — Poetry 03/05/2011
Sometimes, a poem is about things we weren't. Like my parents, who began and ended in desparation. A one-hour ride to the junior college in Pensacola, Neal in the back seat of the bus, crying out the name of the dark-haired girl sitting hand-crossed in the front. My lovers suffocate me! Over and over and over, Diana. Or the flowers he wouldn't stop sending to her parents' house after she left, two sons later, & the way he wouldn't stop calling, & the way she wouldn't come to the phone. But sometimes, the poem is collapsing. Once, a poem began with poets on an empty stage, sprawling across bare wood floor, a semi-circled ring of raw emotion, offering words that promised a brief blink of betterment. And after they ranted and panted and planted seeds of verse in themselves, there were stretches of unplanned silence as we waited to see who would stand and cry out across the dark and empty seats, to see who would rage against the quiet. the poem then / became a thing / stretched beyond breaking / elasticity of emotion / bent past brittleness And the seats weren't all empty: there was one where I sat, my legs bent, coughing up the voice in my throat that used to flow so freely. loose the stop from your throat This voice gone flat: tonguing the edge of decomposed sentences and a reticence that raws verbs into inaction, their passivity and insensitivity faced forward and falling for this brief blinking hope of betterment. I was fallen. I meant better things, but deconstructed syllables, riddled rhymes lined the page. Clowns in cars. Hind-legging dogs. Poets crying lines. They ranted blind against time, against things gone wrong, against things gone. I wondered what I would say if I were dragged / from the wings and stood up center stage / spot lit and composed / seats full of silence and anticipation as they waited for But imagine: all the world's a stage, and I am wallowing in the wings, wingless waiting for some brief blink of better days, wishing for better ways to say what I meant. And imagine: I string my outstretched arms to the fly, rise above this stage, float above the footlights, gaze across the empty seats, cry rage rant rend these words. Writing and talk do not prove me; I carry the plenum of proof, and everything else, in my face Center stage, I wanted you to hang me. Let my feet dangle. Let me strangle myself in these lines. And I would hang with my feet faced forward. I would struggle. You would watch me struggle, my tongue weighed down against the edges of these phrases, the syntax decomposing before the words reached Troy Urquhart is the author of Springtime Sea Bathing (Greying Ghost, 2010), the editor of Willows Wept Review, and a contributor to Vouched Books. He teaches writing and American literature at Montverde Academy, where he serves as Director of Professional Development. He can be reached online here. Comments05/05/2011 20:39
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